I guess none of this is as important as I had thought.

jesus I’m bored as fuck waiting for this build and I’m starving. Someone blog or sign on and give me something to do!!

I hate putting up with this shit:
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HOW TO BUILD AN AIRCRAFT CARRIER: THE OLD WAY

Day 1
—–

Manager: Joe, please build me an aircraft carrier. It has to be six times bigger than the Nimitz. Let me know when it’s ready.

Joe: Yes, sir.

Day 347
——-

Manager: Oh, hello, Joe. What can I do for you?

Joe: You remember that aircraft carrier you ordered?

Manager: Yes, I do. Well, what about it?

Joe: It’s ready.

Manager: Ready to start building it? The design is finished?

Joe: No, the ship is finished. It’s currently returning from its first combat operation in the Pacific. It won, by the way.

Manager: Okay. Thanks, Joe, you’ve done well. I’ll tell the board it’s ready – they’ll be delighted. They were getting a bit nervous about it, to tell you the truth…

HOW TO BUILD AN AIRCRAFT CARRIER: THE NEW WAY

Day 1
—–

Manager: Joe, please build me an aircraft carrier. It has to be six times bigger than the Nimitz. I want daily status reports.

Joe: Yes, sir.

Day 2
—–

Manager: Joe, got a demo yet?

Joe: Well, kind of. Come and have a look.

[They go to the test area.]

Manager: What am I looking at?

Joe: Well, this is what we call a plastic duck. It’s very small, but it does float, and that’s important for aircraft carriers.

Manager: How many aircraft can it carry?

Joe: Well, none yet, but it’s early days.

Day 17
——

Manager: How’s that duck coming along?

Joe: We’ve cracked the size problem by using an inflatable duck. We can now get 200 Airfix models onto it, including Spitfires, Hurricanes, and Migs.

Manager: 200 aircraft – not bad going… HEY! Whaddya mean, MIGS!

Joe: Um, sorry, it’s all we could find. We’ll try to get some B-52s instead.

Manager: Well, you’ve been working on this for less than three weeks, and already you have a ship capable of carrying 200 aircraft – that’s pretty impressive! Can I tell the board yet?

Joe: Um, that might not be a bright idea…

Day 347
——-

Manager: Joe, we’re getting close to release date, and the board are getting itchy. I’ve told them I’ve been monitoring the progress closely, and I’ve been sending in the reports, but now they actually want to see the ship. Tomorrow. What have we got for them?

Joe: We have an inflatable duck over a mile long. It can carry 430,000 military aircraft, each about 7″ long, made of polystyrene, and hand-painted by Tom and Lucy in authentic original livery, as requested by management on Day 23. The duck uses hydrogen gas to maximise its buoyancy. Since hydrogen is pretty inflammable, we have used 8″ steel plates all the way around the duck’s “hull” to protect it from enemy fire, as requested by management on day 27. Consequently, the duck – I mean aircraft carrier – sits rather low in the water, but we solved that by extending the keel all the way down to the sea-bed. Mobility is assured because we’ve adopted management’s suggestion (on day 82) to put some wheels on the bottom of the keel. The wheels work fine in the testing tank, so we’re reasonably sure they’ll be okay on the sea-bed too. Unfortunately, this gave us some problems with mobility. The ship was too heavy for the paddle-wheels. We tried turning them faster, and that worked for a while, but eventually they were going so fast they broke to pieces. We’ve discovered, though, that we can add paddle-wheels. We’re up to 200 wheels on each side, now. Powering these, we have a nuclear fission plant. That also supplies power to the rest of the duck – um, ship – so we feel that it more than makes up for the extra-heavy shielding we had to add. Another problem with the keel is that it can be a hazard to other shipping – specifically, submarines. When this was realised, on day 261, we didn’t have any waterproof lighting immediately to hand, so we’ve lashed electric eels to the keel at 10 yard intervals, in the hope that they’ll emit enough light to warn subs not to bump into us. Since enemy subs will have no such qualms, the ship will need a constant submarine escort to fight off enemy subs. You’ll find this listed in the report, somewhere in Section 734. We still have a few problems with the hull – we’re looking for a more waterproof glue for the armour plating – but it’s more or less there. Yes, I think we’re ready for a demo to the board.

Manager: Good work, Joe! They’ll be so pleased…