Month: September 2002

I know who I want to take me home.

There are a couple of lines in True Love Waits by Radiohead which I was reminded of yesterday.

I’m not living
I’m just killing time.

It struck a chord. I’m in that kinda feeling at the moment. I’m existing, I’m not living. Looking around nothing is how I want it to be. I’m not really happy in anything that I’m doing. More and more I’m looking for an escape out of my little world, a couple of weeks ago it as crime novels, the last couple of weeks its been music and all the time in the background there are comics.

The thought of everything being status quo tomorrow isn’t a new one, its always been like that. I’m am amazed that it is now September. I imagine I am not alone in thinking that it cannot be coming to a year on from the events of September 11th but it is. Another year of my life has passed and I haven’t really got all that much to show for it. The thought that I have over forty years of working ahead of me is not a nice thought, the very thought it could be where I am now is just unacceptable. I don’t even know how that would work if and when I progress up through the company.

For the past six weeks or so in my local tube station there has been an ad up for people wanted to crew a six week around the world sailing event. I stopped to note down the details during the week. The idea of quitting my job and going and living that life for a while is so very appealing. I actually did give it some serious thought. Unfortunately I suspect their first criteria for crew would be a high level of fitness so that excludes me already.

I know I’ve said this before, maybe not here but to myself anyway; I want more education. I want to learn about stuff I use to think it was computers these days I’m not so sure. I don’t honestly know what I want to do. Getting a piece of paper of some sort is important to me. It might be a misplaced goal, but it was something I should have done before and I didn’t.

I studied some psychology in my time in college and it is something that has always fascinated me. Realistically its not for me, I don’t have the people skills to even start and I’m no where near smart enough to go and do it…actually that last one might not be true but don’t have in any way a good memory and I believe that would hold me up. But the reason for this line of thought is college term is coming up and I’m pretty close to qualifying as a “mature student” (at least by Irish requirements anyway) and I really do mean go to and look into that over here. To go somewhere at night and actually do a course and get a formal qualification would just rock. I think I’d be better at it now. I think I’d actually sit down and do the work required but I’m just not sure. Still if I fuck up this time, at least it will be my problem and me loosing money. Note to self check out some websites about it during the week. If I could sort something out to start in this college term that would be really really cool. Note to self talk to some work people about this in the morning too.

I’m pretty damn sure I’m too young to be having a mid-life crisis.

I can’t get my email. I’m quite annoyed. My site appears to be offline as does the website for my host provider.

Where have all the good girls gone?

So within the past week or so I’ve spoken with two good friends who I don’t normally get a chance to talk with. They both live in the US and the six hour time difference among other things gets in the way.

Earlier today I was sitting here online and my mobile started to ring. There was no number being displayed and I wasn’t bothered to answer it. Pretty much anyone ringing on my mobile I should have a number stored for and it will show up. I just wasn’t in the mood to find out who else it could be…except I had forgotten that people ringing from the US won’t show up on it.

So anyone I checked the voicemail that had been left and it was a friend in DC. Sent her a quick mail and she rang back (oops). We chatted for a bit, not really about anything much that was mainly my fault. Other than being caught off guard by the call I wasn’t really in a talkative mood. One thing she did ask and its a fair question was why was I booking all these concert tickets if I was suppose to be going to the US. Well, I’m not going to not book them in case everything gets sorted out before them, when it does get sorted if it causes problems with the dates I can work something out in work.

On that kinda note, she also mentioned recently that I was talking about music a lot more recently and yes I have been. It got me to thinking again about the fact that I don’t usually see much live music. I don’t know why that is. I’ve never been to a bad gig, never had any problems or anything. I quite happily paid £60 plus for entrance to sci-fi cons and then at least another £50 on that just for stuff there. So £30 for a ticket to a gig isn’t all that bad. Although I suspect that Springsteen could be pricey but ah well I can afford it.

But back to the talking topic, its kinda strange. I’ve been thinking over the past few days that it’s been a while since I sat down and talked to someone about stuff. Not just things in general but stuff. (Isn’t stuff a great coverall word?). Its something I should do but the chance just never really came around with anyone yet and I was kinda out of it earlier today.

I noticed something about another friend recently aswell and I don’t know if it was just because we hadn’t talked about stuff (see I’m doing it again) in a while or if it was a general change but she was way more open than I had ever noticed before. In fact she was a tad more open than I would normally be use to (no comments from the peanut gallery please). I really do wonder if that is me, but it was interesting and something worth thinking about. The words “me too” are sometimes hard to say.

I’ve been meaning to write a post about phrases for a while and when I was talking with another friend earlier in the week she used a phrase that was something I meant to talk about. Listen for yourself or someone else using the phrase “yeah..no” in conversation. Then ask yourself if it made any sense at all. More to come on that at some stage. I’m going to go and sleep now, oh and yes we have broadened from music to pop culture or indeed cult culture for these titles.