Well, today was certainly a day. Many interesting events leading to a grand finale. I’m not even going to try and find the words for today.
So after it was all over and I was leaving work suggested to Iain some beers as it was just called for after the last hour. But he has a dog to walk and was already late getting home. So went around to his place for beers and pizza (and dog walking). It was all good, we just hung out and chatted and tried to set up some software on his ‘supercomputer’.
Then we went to his local pub. I had been there before with him for dinner, but tonight was just drinks. I was getting a round in and someone wanted an orange drink. Not thinking I asked the girl behind the bar for Club Orange. This is of course orange lemonade, but it is an Irish brand. She told me they didn’t have it, but she knew what it was. I hadn’t twigged it, but she was Irish. We chatted for a moment and like many Irish people do, we expressed our mutual love for Tayto. She then informed me that you could buy them (along with Club Orange and Club Lemon) in the Irish section of the Safeway across the road. I’ve been here for close on three years and I’ve looked for Tayto. Could this be the jackpot? So going back out to Iain’s sometime early next week to check it out and have some drinks and maybe talk to the nice girl behind the bar who could possibly have just become one of my favourite people.
So that leads in a very roundabout way back to a topic which has been kicking around the V in a couple of odd places this week. Confidence. You either have it or you don’t. It’s come up in terms of writing and in talking to members of the opposite sex…or in some cases the same sex. Start off with writing and this is something I have an issue with. I would love to write reviews or articles for some of the sites out there. I’ve tried. I must have done twenty drafts of a review for one site and I’m more than likely never going to send it in. I did send it to a friend in a couple of versions to have a read of. Even that took a little bit of effort. If I don’t have a good opinion of it, how in the hell can I send it to someone to put on a public website with my name on it?
That’s just one example I guess the prime example in this case is women. A couple of postings on the V made me laugh and think about stuff…not that I need much to start me thinking about women. But one of the posters noted that a guy had once come up to her and asked if she minded if he tried to chat her up. I don’t think he got the reaction he wanted. A reply to this was a way opposite point of view from one of the guys. He said that he goes into situations like that not thinking, but knowing 100% he has chatted her up and it worked out. Kinda different ends of the spectrum there. I’ll just clarify that I don’t fit into either before moving forward. They are interesting points of view. I think the former is really bad and well its really bad. The latter takes a hell of a lot of self-confidence or as was noted in the thread a hell of a lot of booze.
Anyways I’ve been thinking about it and it leads nicely into a very related topic. How do you decide to go for someone? What makes you suddenly think fuck it, ya know I’m just going to do it and then go and do it. Well, booze does for sure. I’ve been there. But in general. It seems so much easier for some people and so much harder for others and umm I don’t have an end to that sentence. It just never seems to make sense. The last time I seriously went for a girl I got lucky, the feelings were mutual and we ended up going out for a year. That would be the longest time I’ve seen someone, which I guess isn’t bad but ya know. The internet seems to help with this a lot, at least for some people but its not for everyone. I am glad to see it working for some I know.
So now, a question. This isn’t a specific question, it is just a thought and some thoughts about that thought. There is some stuff going on in your life and it is something that you spend time thinking about (or indeed worrying about). It is important to you. Why don’t you talk to your friends about it? Is that not part of the reason they are there, why they are your friends?
Well, lets see. There are any number of reasons for this, here are just a few off the top of my head.
– You don’t want to. Pretty simple this one, for whatever reason you just don’t want to talk about it. Perhaps your not ready to talk about it, perhaps you have thought about it and you just don’t want to share those thoughts.
– Fear: you don’t know what they will think, how they will react. They might laugh at you.
– Embarrassment: maybe you fucked up and you don’t want anyone to know. Maybe its just something your not comfortable talking about.
– Trust: It is entirely possible you don’t trust them or don’t want to trust them. Will they tell someone else, will it slip out at some stage?
– Mutual friends / six degrees of separation: What if it is something to do with or about someone you both know and you don’t feel that it is something that is appropriate for discussion.
– Who cares. Maybe it is something that you don’t think your friends will give a fuck about. Its not important to them and just because it is important to you…well that doesn’t mean they’ll give it the time of day.
I suspect I could break it down a little more, but the common theme is vulnerability. Nobody wants to be vulnerable and a secret is no longer a secret once two people know it.
Umm I guess that ends that, well it does not end it. It stops I don’t know what else to say.
Oh yes I do. Someone asked me last week why I did something. The answer was a simple and honest;
a complete and utter lack of giving a fuck for a while I guess.
That works.
Second lastly, I have to pick up Namor from Marvel’s ‘New Wave’ as it is being done by Andi Watson and I am very glad to report that XP is still my bitch and it will fucking well remain that way.
And finally a quote covering lots of stuff (including the title)
No man is an island entire of itself; every man is a piece of the Continent, a part of the main…. Any man’s death diminishes me because I am involved in Mankind; and therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee
John Donne, Meditation XVII
Goodnight all, sleep well and dream well.