Month: January 2003

Well, today was certainly a day. Many interesting events leading to a grand finale. I’m not even going to try and find the words for today.

So after it was all over and I was leaving work suggested to Iain some beers as it was just called for after the last hour. But he has a dog to walk and was already late getting home. So went around to his place for beers and pizza (and dog walking). It was all good, we just hung out and chatted and tried to set up some software on his ‘supercomputer’.

Then we went to his local pub. I had been there before with him for dinner, but tonight was just drinks. I was getting a round in and someone wanted an orange drink. Not thinking I asked the girl behind the bar for Club Orange. This is of course orange lemonade, but it is an Irish brand. She told me they didn’t have it, but she knew what it was. I hadn’t twigged it, but she was Irish. We chatted for a moment and like many Irish people do, we expressed our mutual love for Tayto. She then informed me that you could buy them (along with Club Orange and Club Lemon) in the Irish section of the Safeway across the road. I’ve been here for close on three years and I’ve looked for Tayto. Could this be the jackpot? So going back out to Iain’s sometime early next week to check it out and have some drinks and maybe talk to the nice girl behind the bar who could possibly have just become one of my favourite people.

So that leads in a very roundabout way back to a topic which has been kicking around the V in a couple of odd places this week. Confidence. You either have it or you don’t. It’s come up in terms of writing and in talking to members of the opposite sex…or in some cases the same sex. Start off with writing and this is something I have an issue with. I would love to write reviews or articles for some of the sites out there. I’ve tried. I must have done twenty drafts of a review for one site and I’m more than likely never going to send it in. I did send it to a friend in a couple of versions to have a read of. Even that took a little bit of effort. If I don’t have a good opinion of it, how in the hell can I send it to someone to put on a public website with my name on it?

That’s just one example I guess the prime example in this case is women. A couple of postings on the V made me laugh and think about stuff…not that I need much to start me thinking about women. But one of the posters noted that a guy had once come up to her and asked if she minded if he tried to chat her up. I don’t think he got the reaction he wanted. A reply to this was a way opposite point of view from one of the guys. He said that he goes into situations like that not thinking, but knowing 100% he has chatted her up and it worked out. Kinda different ends of the spectrum there. I’ll just clarify that I don’t fit into either before moving forward. They are interesting points of view. I think the former is really bad and well its really bad. The latter takes a hell of a lot of self-confidence or as was noted in the thread a hell of a lot of booze.

Anyways I’ve been thinking about it and it leads nicely into a very related topic. How do you decide to go for someone? What makes you suddenly think fuck it, ya know I’m just going to do it and then go and do it. Well, booze does for sure. I’ve been there. But in general. It seems so much easier for some people and so much harder for others and umm I don’t have an end to that sentence. It just never seems to make sense. The last time I seriously went for a girl I got lucky, the feelings were mutual and we ended up going out for a year. That would be the longest time I’ve seen someone, which I guess isn’t bad but ya know. The internet seems to help with this a lot, at least for some people but its not for everyone. I am glad to see it working for some I know.

So now, a question. This isn’t a specific question, it is just a thought and some thoughts about that thought. There is some stuff going on in your life and it is something that you spend time thinking about (or indeed worrying about). It is important to you. Why don’t you talk to your friends about it? Is that not part of the reason they are there, why they are your friends?
Well, lets see. There are any number of reasons for this, here are just a few off the top of my head.
– You don’t want to. Pretty simple this one, for whatever reason you just don’t want to talk about it. Perhaps your not ready to talk about it, perhaps you have thought about it and you just don’t want to share those thoughts.
– Fear: you don’t know what they will think, how they will react. They might laugh at you.
– Embarrassment: maybe you fucked up and you don’t want anyone to know. Maybe its just something your not comfortable talking about.
– Trust: It is entirely possible you don’t trust them or don’t want to trust them. Will they tell someone else, will it slip out at some stage?
– Mutual friends / six degrees of separation: What if it is something to do with or about someone you both know and you don’t feel that it is something that is appropriate for discussion.
– Who cares. Maybe it is something that you don’t think your friends will give a fuck about. Its not important to them and just because it is important to you…well that doesn’t mean they’ll give it the time of day.

I suspect I could break it down a little more, but the common theme is vulnerability. Nobody wants to be vulnerable and a secret is no longer a secret once two people know it.

Umm I guess that ends that, well it does not end it. It stops I don’t know what else to say.

Oh yes I do. Someone asked me last week why I did something. The answer was a simple and honest;

a complete and utter lack of giving a fuck for a while I guess.

That works.

Second lastly, I have to pick up Namor from Marvel’s ‘New Wave’ as it is being done by Andi Watson and I am very glad to report that XP is still my bitch and it will fucking well remain that way.

And finally a quote covering lots of stuff (including the title)

No man is an island entire of itself; every man is a piece of the Continent, a part of the main…. Any man’s death diminishes me because I am involved in Mankind; and therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee
John Donne, Meditation XVII

Goodnight all, sleep well and dream well.

In the news today apperently people flirt more in email and the sky is blue.
The dangerous game of the e-flirt.

I had no idea that the song Big Yellow Taxi was that song. I’m just streaming the video for Counting Crows and Vanessa Carlton’s version (AOL’s music/video streaming is still really impressing me) and its a great song. Not too sure on this version but…. great song.

Quick notes.
– Glory stays forever.
– Women are not more trouble than they are worth, but damn they are trouble
– I so don’t fit in here at the moment.
– I have a lot of reading to to and a lot of understanding to work on. I wanted a challenge, I certainly have that now.

Welcome to the motherfucking internet.

He died chatting on IRC. Talking in a channel he frequented and allowed his overdose to be seen on a webcam.
RIP: Ripper.

And the Metafilter thread. This thread might not last and indeed the entire thing maybe a hoax.

I have a couple of things to share with you this fine morning.

1) I rock

2) XP is my bitch.

That is all.

Two immediate thoughts. 1) Zombie lawyers are awesome and 2) Wesley carrying grenades is awesome. Not a fantastic episode and I will be disappointed if that is the end of Wolfram and Hart. I am quiet glad Lilah survived and hope to see her again soon. Looking forward to the rest of the season alot.

Finished watching Angel. The heating sounded like it was making funny noises so I stood up to check it out. It was at that point I figured out that my right leg was not working as I almost toppled forward. Took a couple of moments to sort it self out for which the muscle just below my knee felt like concrete and was just not moving. Anyway the pain while agonising for the same time frame also past. Its raining…not too heavy but certainly not lightly. I have this urge to go out for a walk and think about stuff.

I really should go to bed and get some sleep, but I just don’t feel like it. From the sound of it, the rain has got a lot heavier and is not the best kind of weather to go walking in.

I think my laptop may have just died. I shall be rebooting it now. Ah its ok. The screen is on its last legs perhaps I shall do a full backup when I reinstall and see if I can have it looked at. It is under warranty until April.

Well that was pretty predictable but still solid. Next episode is three weeks away (bastards) but looks good.

Now onto Angel.

Sometimes the simple things can restore your faith. I’m using/testing something at the moment. I sent in a little bit of feedback for a feature I thought was missing and I would really like to see. About 20 minutes later I get a reply back from the project manager telling me its a good idea and they already included it last weekend and if I wanted to test the daily builds I could go here and keep an eye on them.

It now works and it works well. It does what I went, when I want and overall as well as my previous app did. And it is still being worked on. This makes me happier.

“Disappearing into his clothes, hands buried in his pockets, greeting the world with glumness, he also captures a generation.”
John Marriott, AOL Film Critic on Eminem in 8 Mile.

That works really well. More in a bit.

Look…if you had…one shot…or one opportunity
To seize everything you ever wanted…one moment
Would you capture it…or just let it slip? (yo)

You better lose yourself in the music, the moment
You own it, you better never let it go (go)
You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow
This opportunity comes once in a lifetime (yo)
You better lose yourself in the music, the moment
You own it, you better never let it go (go)
You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow
This opportunity comes once in a lifetime (yo), (you better…)

From Lose Yourself by Enimem.

I’m feeling tired. I didn’t get to bed until just after 2 last night. I wanted to finish Good Omens and so I did. Started off on Laurell K. Hamilton’s Anita Blake series this morning so heads up in a few days time for postings about how shit the series gets.

Todays soundtrack so far has been Pink Floyd’s Dark Side of the Moon and JJ72’s I to Sky. Tonight if all is well I shall be watching new Angel and 24 and then perhaps read for a bit.

Text speak is NOT, repeat NOT an acceptable form of communication

As some people take great joy in pointing out my name is officially David. Its not really tho, I think both my grandmothers are the only people who call me that all the time. Other than that I don’t answer to it, I don’t usually notice. I’ve gone by Dave for as long as I can remember. Most David’s I know prefer Dave, in fact I only know one that prefers David.

Anyway I don’t know why, but my name is Dave and that’s pretty much that. Well, except for my immediate family. There is a shorthand we use mainly while talking in im or email, my sister Katie is ‘KT’, my sister Mairead is ‘MD’ and I’m just plain old ‘D’. But a while ago…and don’t ask me when we got into the habit of calling each other that. Pretty straight forward for Kate, just pronounce the ‘K’ and the ‘T’ heavier than normal and while it still sounds just like her name, you can tell the difference. ‘MD’ is just that pronounce the ‘M’ and the ‘D’. And for me, its just ‘D’.

This leads to another point and I do remember one friend asking me why in the fuck I did it as my name was short enough already. I tend to sign my emails (work and play), my message boards and various other things with a simple ‘d’. I’ve been doing it for a few years now but over the past year anyway its been that and nothing else. I guess I got into the habit when I had a standard signature going for work. It was something that had to be done and I never felt that anything I sent was finished and ready until I had signed it. This lead to the case being quite often that my pre-set signature began with:

Regards
Dave

and two lines above it would either be exactly the same thing I had just typed out. Or ‘cheers’ or ‘thanks’ instead of the ‘regards’. It was kinda silly and I’ve gotten rid of the that part of my sig. But anyway its now more than a habit, it is just what I do. I’ll sign whatever I’m doing with a ‘d’ or in many cases IE will autofill it for me.

And yes in lowercase. Again don’t ask me why. I guess it is just because I like the look of the letter (shrug), when I’m actually using a pen (or pencil which I prefer) the ‘D’ in Dave comes out as a joint lettering ‘d’ even tho I tend to write in a mixture of joint and print. It does have a couple of loops on it and will flow into the ‘B’ my initials pretty easily. On that note, it is worth pointing out my handwriting is shit and no-one can read it. The signature on the back of my plastic is a joke, none of them really look the same and despite efforts I have never really developed a signature. I’m sure some of my letters come across the same and an expert could easily tell but…

So um yeah that was a little more than I intended but I just sent an email to a friend. I had written it out and then decided I would in fact give her a call instead. I saved it into my drafts folder and rang. She wasn’t answering. So I went back to add a note to the top of the email to state I had rung, etc. and that the email was below and then despite having lines of text below I signed it ‘d’. I did delete it but it felt unfinished.