I have a cold. I hate it. I’m feeling really shit and there is no way at all I can’t go to work tomorrow. I’m so stressed over this project and I have to go in and work on it. I also fucked it up today. Sometimes I get too wrapped up in the bigger picture when all I need is to zoom in and look at a few lines of code.

About 5.30 after bashing my head against my desk for an hour or so I decided to throw in the towel and go with my first thought. The new(ish) requirements just were not technically possible. And they are not. So I spoke with my boss and I made a call to the product manager and let them know. Then I left work and put it out of my mind. Got on the bus to take me home and it struck me how stupid I had been. Yep, absolutely it’s impossible…but if I change one tiny little factor, one single argument with the piece of code it’s possible. Sure I’ll have to compensate for it a little later and it’s gonna cause a couple of minor issues but of course it’s fucking possible and I should have known that from the start. So I’m annoyed with myself over that. I’ll go in and write the code in the morning and send a couple of emails with instructions about it while kicking myself.

Sometimes the big picture isn’t important. It’s not the destination that counts, its the small twists and turns to make sure you get there. It’s good code too, it’s what I use to love doing a couple of years ago and I use to be damn good at it. I’d never (rarely) have fucked up like this, 5 minutes after I’d been asked I would have it written and ready to go. I’m rusty, that’s all. I don’t need to be doing it for my job anymore and so I’ve lost the touch. Which is in it’s own way a shame, cause I was damn good at it. Better than most of my peers.

Anyway I hope this cold goes away soon but somehow I just know that I’ll still be suffering with it come Thursday. I’m going to go and have a cup of hot mint chocolate and then I’m going to go to bed and get some sleep. I’m cold, I want to lie down and get warm and not worry about things for a while and hopefully wake up in the morning feeling better.