Month: March 2004

The Frames sound much much much better live and I’m hoping to see them at a festival or a gig again later this year.

I’m bored. It’s been a shitty day. I walked back into fuckloads of email and I worked through that for a while. For most of the day, I didn’t actually have anything that had to be done. I guess it’s a nice change but I hope it does not last.

It’s really amazing how much stress and worry comes back to you after a break. When I went to bed last night, I was sitting there thinking and worrying about all of the stuff I have going on that I wandered back into. It had been left alone for a few days, barely even thought of if at all and then boom. Stress just hit. It really dived in and here I am worrying about it all.

It’s really fucking nice to get a break like that for a while but at the end of the day, it’s just a break and it all comes tumbling back. Still it was good to have some people to talk to and more so to have more people now to actually talk to. All good.

Looks like after a couple of false starts I’ll be in Dublin for work in the middle of May…at the same time my dad is in London for work. Typical, but hopefully I’ll be able to get a weekend in there and see some folks again. It’s looking good from the exploratory email I sent my boss and we’ll see how it goes when everything is confirmed. That would be really good.

Spent a few minutes getting my calendar up to date aswell. There is so much going on at the end of May, start of June. Bristol, twice to see the Pixies and then the Download Festival in less than a week. Man I am going to be so shattered. I may well take an extra day after Download, thinking about it now. Still it should be good and I’m hoping for good weather and I know I’ll get good music and you know the rest will just work itself out.

I lost at chess today. Two games running and stupidly. I managed to win the third which pleased me a little but I guess the way things are going I really need to get on my game to keep winning.

Also slightly worried about RSI in my fingers/wrists. I’m noting that most days at work, my fingers feel stiff by late afternoon and it’s not very good. I guess I could try and type better, just realising that I don’t use my right ring finger at all. I should concentrate on that for a while and see what I can do. Ohh I have just realised that I tpye funny. I do use that finger but I have my right hand angeled slightly so that it’s not positioned over the right keys, but it gets the backspace and the enter key. Both of which I use a lot more than I should. I wonder if this is another habit I can break. I guessi I should try. They should be more little finger things. I don’t have a wrist rest I am happy with and have not for a long time, perhaps one of them or a “natural keyboard” which I usually hate would help some.

Anyway I guess it’s time for a quick trip to the local even tho I have set a goal of no booze till Thursday week for a catchup with the lads.

Hopefully this will be a better effort than the last time. Several of the keys on my parents’ keyboard take a good whack to actually work and it throws me off. I’m hitting mine too hard now and have to make up for that too but that should go soon. Also, I can’t figure out what it is, I think it’s the refresh rate but the screen hurts my eyes and I can’t use it for very long so all in all it’s not very good. When the writing frame of mind is fading, it’s a real killer.

When I came in late on Saturday night, it was close on 5.30 after the hour forward and well I was really tired (I fell asleep in the cab on the way home) and I had been drinking for most of the day. I wanted to blog. I had things to say, I even made a note of things to type out about. Of course when I came to try the next day there was just nothing there.

All in all it was a good weekend and then some. I’m quite glad to be back in touch with a few people and had a fairly good time with my family and as usual some interesting and some enlightening conversations with my dad.

This has been another one of those entries. I started it a long time ago and now I’m coming back to it. It has ended up being a rather shit day. Long story short, the kitchen flooded, there is a problem with the water in the building and none of it is good. So someone coming out tomorrow to look at it, the person we had tonight was an emergency on call and can’t help with a building wide problem, he does not know enough about it. Just great. So we just left it and have to hope it will be ok.

Anyway I picked up some of The Frames back catalogue, it was dirt cheap at Euro prices compared to the £17 for a single album over here. I got 4 for close enough to that price. Anyway the first track from For the Birds; In the Deep Shade is really lovely and I’m going to listen to that a couple of times as I type this out.

I have no idea what’s changed. Looking back on Dublin, there was one person who was always very important to me and has been for over 10 years. I don’t think that one was a major secret, I know numerous people knew and I’ll just leave that one at I fucked up very badly and continued to do so and well that’s that. There was of course more than one, so here is the story of another. Well it’s not really cause I’m never doing to tell you lot that but here is some of it anyway.

Then there was another girl who was just one of the gang. I know I’ve mentioned about our Saturday nights out in Dublin here before. A group of us, basically sci-fi geeks who met over things like that met up, had some food and went to the cinema. It was a weekly thing and man I could probably go into pages on that one if the mood struck. Anyway it ran for years, literally years, I don’t think I’m far off in saying we did it for 5 years or so. Anyway we all ended up drifting off but there was a core group of 6 or so the whole time and then some blow-ins. I don’t remember how we all met, there was of course some of the friend of a friend and there was just people that we met and got on with and brought out. Man, back then other halves rarely made it a second time, not that most of us had ’em really. I very famously brought one along for a while but that’s a post for a whole other time and indeed a whole other me.

Anyway it was some of the people from that group that I met up with on Saturday night. One of them, Jean is the girl I got in touch with about 8 months ago and met the last time I was in Dublin. We were fairly close for a while (not like that children!) and I honestly don’t remember why we lost touch. I suspect an argument of some sort timed at when we were both moving around and dealing with things in our lives and so it just happened. Suffice it to say I’m fairly happy to be in touch with her again.

She was the one who I was meeting on Friday afternoon who said to come along again later that night and meet up with Liz. Honestly I really wanted to, but I was fairly hesitant. I think it’s fair to say I always liked Liz, but it’s certainly not fair to say we saw eye to eye all the time, most of the time we didn’t. Me and her use to have some real fights every now and again. I had sent her an email a while ago when I managed to find an address but never got a reply. As it turns out it was a dead address and she seemed genuinely pleased to see me and we chatted fairly late on Friday night over lots of drinks and agreed that we had argued over shit and all grown up since then. So she more than falls into the failed to appreciate category. We all ended up back at hers after some drinks in town and anyone who opens the cd player, see’s that it’s Jeff Buckley and then just hits play is allright in my book! The silence in the room as Hallelujah came on was just great.

Anyway we went out again on Saturday night as Jean and Liz had arranged to meet the other two from their group of girls in the gang, Mary and Emily. And ya know, it was a good night and I don’t know what’s changed but things have and well that’s really that. I don’t know, but sitting there chatting and everything else and despite some concerned looks and texts from Jean and Liz who I had told the full story to the night before, there was nothing. I did zone out for a while and it wasn’t for any real reason other than being tired and thinking. So for a change I’m not going to be dwelling on a girl and will however point out that there is nothing at all wrong with her as certain people assumed automatically earlier.

Speaking of being tired. Saturday morning, I cannot remember being as hungover as I was then. Friday I had met my dad for lunch at 2.00 and gone to the Porterhouse. We had 3 pints in there (if not 4). Then I met Jean for coffee. She had to run off to a work dinner for a couple of hours so I bought myself a paper (I really need to get Irish papers more) and sat at the bar in Messer Maguires read it. That was another 3 pints and then we went drinking for the evening. It was a full 12 hours of boozing and it showed.

Saturday, I had a ticket for the Ireland vs. Scotland Rugby match in Lansdowne Road with my dad…and free food and drink beforehand at a minor event thing the tickets came through. I had a couple of drinks there but it was well after 2.00pm before my stomach had calmed down enough. ‘Twas a bit of a waste.

My dad said something interesting on Sunday night when we were chatting which I thought was a good comment for here. We were talking about my little sister, Katie. I had gone for a drink with her earlier in the day so we could have a chat and I could see if she would tell me anything about college and that or if I would get what was the standard “I don’t know”. I was commenting that I didn’t get that and that I thought she was much improved on answering questions and information had to be dragged out of her a lot less. He agreed with me but then commented “Well, look at my three children, none of them are very forward” and it’s very true. Not much more information coming from any of us ever!

By the way, I’m aware that I’ve already covered some of this. It’s working better for me now and so I just went with it. I feel like keeping on but I don’t know what else I want to get down here.

I’m not in touch with many from the group mentioned above. It fell apart rather spectacularly at the end. It had been unravelling for a while, I don’t think it was anyone’s fault, I think it was everyone’s fault. We all just grew up a bit and were pulled in different directions by the fickle mistress that is life. Looking back, we agreed we had good times and we agreed that all of the fighting was over silly things and these days we could see ourselves sitting down and catching up with almost everyone. Just the one notable exception there, I wonder if any of you can guess who that is. I don’t think you would be surprised by the answer but anyway.

I have a quiet month lined up. Have to book some tickets for Glastonbury next week and that’s really it. Work only rang me once last week so I’m hoping for it to be a quiet one tomorrow. I’ll guess I’ll find out soon enough. Alex is staying home to look after letting the plumbers and that in here, I offered but ’tis handier for her I guess.

I found my copy of O, more precisely my sister gave it back to me. I should head to bed now, you should click through this:

Ghost Town: “my rides through chernobyl area”

Right, control + a, followed by delete. This just isn’t working. I think I’m going to have to go for a list here as typing sentences just isn’t working right now. I tried and I got no-where.

– Ended up at a friends house the other side of the city last night, the cd already loaded up was Jeff Buckley’s Grace. It’s so good that I want to cry, so very very good. It got us all a bit.
– Sitting in Messers Maguries having a pint or 2 with my dad before going out with people for the night and the England/France rugby match was on and I swear the entire of Dublin may aswell have been just outside of Paris. The French got cheered on so much and of course they won so that was great.
– I had been at the Ireland match earlier where we won and the atmosphere there was excellent. I’ve said it before but that’s not going to stop me from saying it again. It’s at things like that when you realise the benefit of big sporting events. It was great.
– I met a friend for coffee on Friday afternoon and she invited me out again later that night when she was meeting another friend, one who I had not seen in years and years. So I went along to the meeting place and I spotted her and the look on her face as I walked up to her was great. I don’t think I was expected 😉
– We went and got really drunk and talked about lots of things, old times, new times, good times and bad times. Looking back, I know I did not appreciate her as much as I should have. But then again that’s true for most of my friends. Man I’m an idiot.
– So we were sitting in The Bank on Dame Street (not fucking College Green) and we were getting very drunk and ended up talking about people we use to know and all that and I was interested to note that not a single one of them had twigged how big a crush I had on someone else. This was tho, shortly followed by notification of the fact they were going out with her on Saturday night, would I like to come along.
– Of course I did and you know, some things never change. Other things do. We were sitting at the front of the pub and she was late. I spotted her outside, on her way in and I think my stupid grin was noticed round the table a bit. Anyway the look on her face was good too. And ya know, things change.

I need to leave it at that now, it’s not coming.

In a mere 12 hours, location alone should improve the way I feel 100%. I am looking forward to it a hell of alot. I am of course not packed and I have to leave in about 7 hours. I shall go and see if I can sort myself out now.

Why is it always mere hours before I have to get up, when I should be sleeping that I realise I have no clue where my passport is?

For fuck sake. 20 paniced minutes later.

*sigh* Roll on that fresh Dublin air. The runway at Dublin airport with all the pollution that comes with it smells and tastes nicer than all of London. It’s really astounding.

Goodnight all.

I have much much love for Blondie’s Atomic. It was one of the first songs I fell in love with as a kid and while right this second it’s not standing up, it always has until now. One of those tunes that you cherish the rare chances you get to hear it. The internet and ya know having a job and buying cds takes some of that innocence away. Ya know there is a much bigger paragraph hiding in there. I may have to go look for it tomorrow.

I’m just making a CD to take into work tomorrow and then I’m gonna go and get some sleep. I don’t feel like it, I feel like I have nothing to say but that I’m screaming out to say something. I guess it’s there, just censored.

I just realised something. I have not installed a winamp skin. I have done nothing to customise the only thing on my computer guarenteed to make me feel a little better at any time. A few minutes exploring and I’m quite impressed. The whole modern skin thing is really cool, it works so very well.

I was thinking on the way to work this morning, I often do. Today it was past relationships and thinking that I really hope I’m not the same person I was when I got involved in some of them. So this afternoon, inspired by the Kaufman Eternal Sunhine of the Spotless Mind, there was a poll on Sk8J about whether you would have an ex removed from your memory. I’m not sure if I would but the strange confluence of the interwebnet and my line of thought struck me. Anyway, I think I want to see the movie.

I also really want to see all of DS9 again. There have been many mentions of it on boards of late and details of the really good stuff it did. I want to have it all on DVD, I just don’t have the odd ?400 spare.

Right sleep, perchance to dream!

I don’t count this as writing. I was asked in the pub on Saturday night if I wrote at all and I said no. Then there was a minor disagreement and this is considered writing. I guess it is, but in the context of being an inspiring writer, this ain’t writing. I’ve not tried my hand at fiction in a long time and even so whenever I did (outside of school) it was fan-fiction (shudder). Man that was a long time ago. I guess I should try again but aswell as lacking the thunderbolt of inspiration, well I can’t write 😉

Anyway Saturday night was good fun and not too debauched. It went on till about 1.30 but it was not the 2pm start planned, closer to the 6pm kick off. It was a good good night and that’s really that. The next time someone is really drunk and needs some help to get outside for water and air, it’s NOT MY TURN! Look how it worked out on Saturday night!!! *sigh* ok that’s just my excuse it’s not like I was going to talk to her anyway.

I can only describe work over the past 5 days or so as being a disaster. A litany of fuckups and I have no idea how to fix mine. Thursday night about 9pm, the problem was reported and man oh man is it fucked to hell. I managed to ignore it completely for the weekend but of course as soon as I get back in here it’s all back to haunt me. Still I got a pay increase on Friday so that was good.

I started playing Deus X: Invisible War yesterday afternoon on some strong recommendations and 6 hours later realised I was still playing it. It’s very awesome and the scope for the ways through the game is great. I am looking forward to playing some more tonight.

I go to Dublin on Thursday and believe you me, I cannot wait. Just getting off the plane in Dublin should lift some of the weight and make me feel better. I am really really looking forward to it, to just be somewhere nice for a while with nothing (much) to worry about.

A link. To a comic. Go and look at this, it’s something which cries out for me to own on paper. (via BB and the oft updated PB).

I have no idea why but I have listened to Jeff Buckley’s Hallelujah seven or right times this morning. It’s just there, in my head capturing my mood a bit at the moment. Bonus points if you got this already from the post title. And it’s loud, it’s not a loud song but I feel the urge to just ramp it up and force it into each ear until it is all there is.

Reading some great comics of late. I just read Grant Morrison’s run on Animal Man which is *really* good, I’m sorry it took me so long to get into it. The last issue really pays off quite nicely. Next up, the fabled Zenith!

Eve has just become a war zone. My alliance is fighting what appears to be 5 enemies on 5 fronts. And just as I typed this, Dave swung by and we shared a nerdy moment with the rest of the team looking on funny. Right now I’m up in safe space, I’m not going to travel down to the warzone this week, I don’t know what help I would be and I don’t want to sit somewhere for the 5 days I’m away when I have no idea what the situation will be like when I log back on. I am kinda of looking forward to it tho. If I had a decent amount of cash behind me to get back on my feet after each ship loss, I would be well on for joining in the fight. III will help with that of course but really I need a cushion of 50 million.

I really like No Doubt’s cover of It’s My Life, it has been played many times recently and imagine that, it’s on now. I don’t think I know the original by Talk Talk, I’ll have to see about a download so I can check it out. Also Gwen Stefani is quite hot, it helps ya know?

Having a network at home is interesting. It leads to Alex and myself commenting at each other as we have IM conversations with the same people. It also leads to certain people saying way too much….you know who you are!

And I’ll stop myself there, I just found what I’ve been waiting for all morning in Ministry’s Animosity, it’s loud, it rocks and it’s all there is for that just the one brief second. It is all that matters and I had to force myself to type through it to get this out onto paper.

And yes, I intend to ramble for a while more before I actually post this thing.

I need to fix the first page on my site, it was never more than a placeholder but it was lost when the servers were hacked a few weeks back and typically I don’t have a backup of it. It shouldn’t take very long to do something else up in place but I just don’t really feel like it. Maybe I should actually content it up, but I really don’t have anything to put up there. I did debate about putting some sort of Eve area up mainly for my own use but it will take more time than I want to dedicated to it…like so many things

Oh I saw Free Enterprise yesterday, at last. It was fun. Shatner was great and the two lead nerds were really well acted and scarily reminiscent of many many people I know.

I just bunged this into Word and ran word count for the sake of it. Given my own personal grammar rules and the use of tags within the post, the 960 it gave is rough but not out by all that much I suspect. One day I will get all of the archives here into a proper text format and see what I can do with them.

I went to bed about 12.30 last night and I remember setting my alarm clock. I woke up to hear the dog barking this morning and did the usual trick of thinking it was way too bright and went looking for the time. It was 7.50am, I then discovered I had not in fact managed to set my alarm clock, so it was a good thing the dog woke me. Having said all that I was still 15 minutes late but I can blame that one completly on the tube as my line was very delayed, so there.

I logged into Friends Reunited for the first time in a while today, it sent me a mail telling me that someone from around my time had signed up so I went to look see. I didn’t know the person but it does strike me how few people from around my time are actually signd up to any of the things like this one.

yay dwelling!

I feel pretty shit. My cold which never fully went away is back. I’ve had a bad week with it and I wish it would go away. I suspect that a hectic weekend with sleep all over the place helped it to come back.

I wrote this on Monday but I saved it as I wasn’t ready to post it. It may aswell fit in here.
– – –
Where to begin? Not at the start that’s for sure.

– I slept really badly last night. I think going to bed at 6am on Sunday morning and sleeping until 2pm really threw out my bodyclock. I was awake at 6.50 this morning, badly awake as I did the usual trick of think it was way too light and jumped out of bed looking for the time. I really need a proper alarm clock beside my bed.

– Starskey & Hutch yesterday afternoon was fun. Nothing really special but the last two minutes were gold. Couple of drinks afterwards was good too.

– Apparently the really cute redhead was in the club on Saturday night, I saw no sign of her 🙁
– – –

I’m very close to getting to a battleship in Eve and I’m looking forward to it, this should bring me back into the game a bit which is good as I’m drifting out a bit.

Re-reading Bruce Jones’ run on the Hulk in trades and I’m enjoying the hell out of it. It runs nicely when there is a large batch to get through. I have a new one to round off the end of it which I’m looking forward to.

Last night headed into BRB’s in Chinatown to have some drinks with the guys from work and a few people from the V who came along to celebrate a Welshman. It was a good night with a decent mixed crowds…tho seriously lacking in single cute women (just like my life really).

Tonight I have some new Alias to watch and with some luck a new episode of The Shield too. An early night to bed to read after some watching would be good.

I’ve also beeing watching the fourth season of The Sopranos over the past few days and it’s good fun. No-where near as good as the first two seasons but still good stuff.

I will blog more soon.

Note the date if you please 🙂