“I dreamed I could see the mathematics of everything, and figured out how to fly”
A friend used that on her LJ to describe a dream recently. It’s a lovely idea and it’s stuck with me a bit today. I slept really badly last night.
Rewinding back a few hours, I was very bored and quite relieved to get a text with an offer of drinks. So into town a pleasant quiet evening with a few drinks. All good until I went to bed. That was around 1am, at 8am I’d slept for spurts of minutes here and there but I remember seeing all of the hours on the clock beside my bed. I blame Hebe for some of them, I had to get up to stop her barking at least twice.
Before that, I had a revelation. I actually got out of bed and ran to my computer to type out a quick message to make sure I would remember it. I do and I’ve been thinking about it. It’s not the biggest revelation in the world but it hit me pretty hard.
Loneliness is a huge driving factor, much more than I had ever considered it before. Is a permutation of this being so needy and self-centered? In hindsight it explains a whole hell of a lot. Can it go so far and get so bad to push some qualities to the forefront and even more so to push others into the background? I’m starting to think that not only it is possible but that’s exactly what happened.
It was a strange night for thoughts, that one was with me for hours. I nearly got out of bed again later to act on it, to bounce it off someone and to see if I was in anyway in the right area. The more I think about it, the more I don’t need to, that’s just how it was.
Forewarned is forearmed?