July 2005 – Page 3

London carries with it an air of depression. I find myself slipping into more and more unhappiness as I’m here. It’s been all go for more than the past couple of weeks. Between Scotland, Dublin, work and then Live 8, it’s been hectic. I haven’t had much time to think much, which being honest right now is a good thing. There is so much that I have to think about and to try and work out but I’m completly unsure where it will lead to and I’ve somewhat been avoiding it.

So it struck me yesterday afternoon. I was sitting at my computer and uploading my photos to Flickr. On a side note, I’m *really* pleased with some of them and I’m very happy that I got so many decent shots. Best perk from work ever. Anyway it struck me in a second, I’d gone from being happy to being unhappy. I think it was just the normality of sitting at my computer and carrying on. The holidays as they were are over and everything, everything goes back to normal. That, that I think is the killer. I don’t want it to be going back to that. No, I don’t know what it is that I want, it’s not what I have. Tying into everything else, Pink Flyod’s lyrics sum it up so well.

The child is grown,
The dream is gone.
I have become comfortably numb

I don’t know what I want. Two seperte people mentioned that I looked happy last weekend, happier than in a long time and one of them went as far as to point out that I had been unhappy for a long time. I’m not sure the latter is true, I think that one can be neither happy nor unhappy and that is how I’d really describe myself for the past while.

I’m just over 5 years in London, 5 years away from Dublin. At the time, it wasn’t a huge move, I didn’t feel like there was a gap between me and the people I was leaving behind. But those gaps have closed up so much. There is a solid group of people back in Dublin that have somehow through some text messages and maybe 4 nights out a year become so much more important to me. And I mean the group, not just one person for those thinking otherwise!

So I don’t know. Work is picking up so much and while it’s scaring me a bit (ok a lot) it’s going well and there is as always the possibility of actually getting to do what I want and of course I am ever unsure what that is.

So Live 8 was on Saturday. I was there, I was working and I had such a fantastic day.

I got there around 8am to be issued with my pass to get in and out of both the arena at anytime but to the backstage and Golden Circle area. That was nice. We were handing out some laynards (necklaces with info on where to watch the gigs online to you and me) and that went down very well. They were nice little things, good souviners to remember the day with and they went like hotcakes. So we left the arena and handed them out for a while. Then we went back inside (straight through the main gates while the queue could only stare in horror) and manned our tents to do network/tech support and to help people sign the petition online. That was all good. Soundchecks were awesome. A full U2 set hours before they were due on stage with so few people there. No photos, it wouldn’t have been fair but so good.

Been sitting in draft for a day or so. I’ll type more on it later.