I have to type. It’s one of those times. The keyboard is just sitting there calling to me and I have nothing to say to it. It doesn’t seem to care, it taunts me. I have things to do, I’m no-where near ready to go away for a week and yet here I am. Slave to the keyboard.

I’m pretty well organised in the essentials department. I have my passport which lets face it is the only thing I really have to have, everything else I could survive without. Aside from that, I came across my keys for my parent’s house last night by sheer chance…in the place I knew I had left them so I’m all set for them too. Again some thoughts with them, its stranger everytime to add them to my keyring. It’s not my house, it hasn’t been for a while yet still it is. Strange one.

Today was a date, well it was almost a date. It will actually be on Wednesday but it felt like it today. Wednesday, around 8.30 in the am will be a milestone. Five years, an entire fifth of my life will have been spent working for the same company, my first and only real job. It astounds me. It really does. I started doing telephone support in a smallish call centre in Dublin earning 12k Irish a year. And now, it boggles the mind to think. I know how I got here, it was kicked off by chance. I’ve been lucky throughout, there was some talent and ability too but there was a whole lot of luck.

I can’t even begin to think where I will be in a year nevermind in another five. A month is starting to look optimistic for knowing where I am going. Things are changing, a slip of the tounge today or a plan for the future? My job is in the drain at the moment. I have no work to do and it’s been that way for about 6 months now. I actively hate going to my desk every day, I can’t surf the web or make up shit anymore, it’s long past funny. I don’t know how I’ve managed to do it for so long. It’s starting to look like it could be another 6-8 months like that. I won’t be able to do it, I know I won’t. It’s just not possible.

Sure I’ve got some other things to do, I mentioned a while ago that I’m back doing some work for Dave but it’s tough. I need some sort of structure to these things and I struggle at learning from a book. Not the learning but the actual doing it. I can take it all in but without a day to day challenge in it, I struggle. The stuff that I’m good at, or at least I was, I was working in and learning in daily and that’s how I became good at it. Practice, a whole lot of enthusiasm and I guess I felt like I had some thing to prove. I proved it, but to this date I’m not sure if that was a good thing or not.

Anyway enough of that shite. Spent 10 minutes looking for my business cards, I used the last one in my wallet last week and aside from being handy in general, they are damn handy when travelling. Found em, again where they should have been, I just had to think about it for a moment and stocked up. Picked out my cds and my clothes and a couple of books for the trip and packed em up. I could go now I guess.

So other than that, I dinged 33 in CoH last night. Slotting up nicely now and close on another respec which I think I’m going to take some time thinking over and see if I can improve a bit. Eve launches Exodus tomorrow. Looking forward to checking it out when I get back. Really hope that like the last expansion they’ll finish training the skills which were under way, I’ve stuck a 24 day one on that I’d really like and I have hope.

This place is getting a little lately than LJ, I don’t know why. This’ll get edited a little bit before going in there tho I guess I really don’t care anymore.

Oh apparently the text is invisible on Mozilla which is annoying and indeed strange. It should only be CSS. Speaking of, lots of Fisting today, issue 50 of Robot Fist goes live tomorrow afternoon. Got everything I have in so far pretty much ready to go. Hoping to get the rest this evening or early tomorrow morning. It’s in good shape so far and there are some good articles. I still don’t know if mine made the cut yet, I guess I will tomorrow.

I’ve not said much about the new U2 album. I was waiting to do it in the Fist but I realised something today. I read a review somewhere over the weekend (Uncut maybe?) that called it the third to compliment The Joshua Tree and Achtung Baby and I scoffed. After some thought, I’m not scoffing anymore. It’s grown on me so much. I don’t think I’ve listened to much else in the past week or so. I’ve listened to it at least five times today, possibly closer to 10 and I love it. It’s not getting old at all and the words are coming down pat. Love it, it’s a fantastic album and I’ll be talking about it soon one way or another.

My computer was making some funny noises over the weekend, turned it all off and opened it up. So much dust in the fan, I blame Hebe. Cleared it out and it’s running nice and smooth. So every now and again, dust the inside of your machine.

On that subject, slightly annoyed at missing out on some decent free wireless networking kit earlier today. Had I not been going away, I could have cleaned up the network here at the Hilton a whole lot. Ah well, I’d rather go away.

I’ve not managed to hear back from most people about anything going on towards the weekend. My uncle has a book launch (Irish poetry, don’t ask) Wednesday evening and there is a party to go with that. I’ll be going off to that and I hear that several of my cousins will be around which is good. I’ve not seen most of them in a long long time, nor my uncle for that matter. My grandmother became a great-grandmother recently. I believe it’s a sore subject so I look forward to the mocking. I seem to be able to get away with it, while my dad just glares at me. Grand kids are out of wed-lock ya see and that’s a big no no.

Chess has been going a whole lot better in the past couple of weeks. I don’t know why but I seem to be way back on form. I’ve only lost a couple of games and I’ve won a few far more comfortably than I had been in a long time. It was about time as I’d been loosing quite a bit over the weeks before now. It’s a good way to have lunch, beats sitting at my desk, that’s for sure.

A good 30 minutes typing there and I still feel like I need to keep going. I don’t know what else there is. Is it worth telling the girl I had(have?) a crush on for a long time a long time ago(?) that?. Man how lame is that? I’ve been thinking about it recently. I thought it was all over like the silly school crushes should be but then no, boom 3 hours changes, that’s a lie, it was about 20 minutes changes things around and I’m left spinning in the air. I so nearly sent an email. It’s not a huge secret anymore, it came up in conversation a while ago, well more so I used it as a defense when I was accused of a) sleeping with and/or b) having a crush on someone else way back when. Now she’s an interesting case and I have had some thoughts there (not like that) recently. There’s no-one really from way back when that I can be bothered wasting time actually disliking. It’s just not worth any of it. We all could have been better people and better friends and yes of course I include myself in that but this is where we are now. It’s funny in a way the people who I consider friends now and probably much closer friends than they realise are the ones I didn’t expect to be in touch with at all and indeed didn’t really know. One exception to that latter of course. But the people that I would have thought would still be friends now ain’t.

Paragraph break for the sake of it and no other reason. I don’t really want to be friends with all of them and some I never would be again, but I don’t actually hold any grudges. It’s funny to even say that, I thought I would for a long time. I find myself not caring. It was all so long ago and at the end of the day in my life now, it’s barely a footnote. I’d never trust some of them again but I guess that’s really about the worst of it. Man those were strange times for a while.

This whole thing is just pushing the thoughts out and seeing what ends up on the page, it’s perhaps not meant to be understood. The act of writing is the important thing. There’s been a quote across the top of this blog for a long time. That’s the important thing. I understand.

Anyway extending olive branches (have I got that wrong, it sounds wrong), isn’t the easiest thing in the world. Someday, who knows.

Nothing here really comes from no-where in the end. It’s all coming straight from me. I’m not sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing, it just is.