words XXIV

Shit.
Yet afuckingain I missed The Shield because I forgot. Fuck.

In other news, Blood Bowl is coming along better than the past few days with the margins narrowing. All good fun.

Work is ranging across a whole spectrum of stuff. I’m not sure what’s going on with a lot of things and we shall see. I noted with a smile that one of the other new people on the floor this week (not my boss) spent a while writing in his blog on the afternoon of his first day. Now we just gotta find the blog.

Getting the train is working out (barely) so far. I have to be out of the house by 8:50 and it’s well tough. Yesterday after work I got some music. The first Starsailor album wasn’t bad. My sister gave it to me and it was ok, soft brit rock. I saw them live earlier in the year and wasn’t impressed, in fact it put me off them a bit. However their new single Silence is Easy is excellent and I picked that up. Also picked up the CD and DVD single of Iron Maiden’s newest and the DVD single of the latest White Stripes. Now I mainly got that for the video and I’m a little cheesed off as it contains another video and not the one for the single.

Couple of albums too, some older Goo Goo Dolls stuff which may lead to some more anon and the debut; Let Go by Nada Surf. I saw them live supporting someone a while ago, it could have been Starsailor actually and they weren’t bad. The album isn’t either. A couple of tracks standing out so far.

Lets see I meant to do this last night. It’s a listing (of sorts) of songs which I love and mean things to me. I might not be able to tell you what they mean, I might not even know but for some reason they do.

In no particular order I give you part 1 of many.

Iris by The Goo Goo Dolls.
Quite simply one of the most beautiful songs I’ve ever heard. I knew of it before it was used in City of Angels and was disapointed it never had the sucess it so obviously deserved. I did buy a copy for a girlfriend once, I sometimes regret sharing it.
Time of your Life by Green Day.
It’s bitter yet broken and has some haunting vocals, I love it. I once told someone I bought a copy for a girlfriend I had just dumped, I hadn’t. I rarely think of the song that way.
I want to Break Free by Queen.
The first pop song I knew. I use to get lifts to school with my next door neighbours, I was 7 or 8 ish at the time and I’d love it when this track came on and was played. On night my cousin Phil was babysitting us and I asked him what it was, he made me sing a little and he said he thought it was Queen. It was and there began the Queen love.
Please Don’t Go by KWS.
I don’t know what it is, but I love the tune and the words just fit it. The first album I bought was The Greatest Dance album in the world ever…. pretty much just because it had this on it. I still have it somewhere.
Smells Like Teen Spirit by Nirvana.
Other than it being a requirement for my generation, this was my first introduction to ‘alternative’ music and only really came as part of a collection of some mp3s on an old mac next to me.
Pride, One, Sunday, Bloody Sunday by U2
I grew up in Dublin in the 80’s, it’s in my blood but these three always get me more than anything else.
Take my Breath Away by Berlin.
What can I say, I loved (maybe even still do) Top Gun and this tune is excellent. Again it’s an 80’s thing. I don’t know many in my generation who don’t have some love for this.
Man in the Mirror, Liberian Girl, I Just Can’t Stop Loving You by Michael Jackson.
All from the first album I ever owned, Bad. Great tunes, still to this day up there with the best. See also Bille Jean.

More to follow down the line, now I just need to go and sleep.

It’s been a quietly geeky day. Woke up around 11am not feeling the shots of last night too much which was good. Went online and surfed aimlessly for a little while. Then in a one of these things, spend the afternoon blowing Blood Bowl with the V. I didn’t do very well but I have a new team now and they are coming a long a little better than the last one.

Feeling a little house bound with a minor headache and a need to walk, I went out for a walk. Picked up the discman wanting some Sigur Ros. I was crossing Chelsea bridge and something about the view caught my attention. I was looking in towards London and I think I thought I should be impressed by the view or something like that. About a second later I realised how wrong that was. I don’t like this city, I don’t like it at all. I hate calling it home.

I was walking back along Chelsea embankment towards Albert bridge and I was listening to Untitled Number 3 and I don’t know why but it hurt, and I mean that in a good way. It just hit me and it hit hard. It was so very beautiful I was walking along and it was going and going and going and it was almost perfect. Strange, I know.

I just finished The Dice Man and I’d like to quote to you from the last few lines:

“Who’re you?”
“Oh yeah, I keep forgetting. I am”

Man, it’s perfect, it’s beyond perfect. It’s a wonderful book, it’s a really wonderful book. One day when I have that library, it will be in a place of honour. There is a sequel but I don’t think I want to read it. The copy I have has a preview chapter of it at the end and I don’t want to read it. It stands on it’s own perfectly. There is no need for anything else.

I don’t know what to read now. I don’t think I have anything which I can follow that with. So the choice is to go looking in the ‘to read’ box or to go for some fluff entertainment and just enjoy it. I don’t know. I’m also rereading 100 Bullets trades but I want a book aswell. I wonder what I have lying around.

Tomorrow is September the first. How did that happen? I don’t know where the past few months have gone to.

On this day in:

2002. I watched Battle Royale and The Ring for the first time
1997. I met up with a group of friends and we went to see Conspiracy Theory
1996. A couple of school friends came around and we played Nintendo for the afternoon
1995. It would appear I came home from school and spent the entire night watching tv.
1994. School bored me.

Hmm, not that much there really and not much to add to it this year either.

Right, I intend to ramble a little.

This evening I was to meet Pat and Trev and John in Waxy’s little sister just after 5:30 and I did. We met up and we were having a drink and watching girls go by. Out the window I see two of the V regulars go by and go out to say hello and invite them in for a drink. That’s the evening set. We have another beer and then all move onto BRB in Chinatown where we have more beers and go for some cocktails. It was all good. Moved onto The Ship in Soho when BRB pumped the music up too loud to even think.
All in all a good evening. Lots of beer and lots of talk with lots of people. Things which may or may not be related to tonight include.

– I can have very different taste than others. This is not a bad thing.
– Something which causes one person to back off and be a right asshole would have in fact helped me to love someone even more. I’m not impressed with some people right now.
– I know it’s a bad topic in some ways these days but my friends are great. We all know where the line is and how far that line can be pushed. We will push it 100% but nothing, nothing bad is meant of it.
– The soundtrack of the moment is The Rising by Bruce Springsteen.

I’m going to go and sleep on some things now. I shall be online most of tomorrow, look for more pearls of wisdom then.

So lets try and add a little coherency this morning and do away with the ramblings.

Last night was fun in many ways. We went down to the Kensington for a leaving do and for a change Shug came out with this. This would have been a good thing except he beat me solidly in pool 3 games running. Last night was not the best pool night ever.

Nearly came to a fight with two assholes who came along and tried to take the pool tables we were playing at. I saw them have a go at Rich and John on the table next to us, when they told them to fuck off they came over and started to mouth off about them to us. It was only when I pointed out that we were in fact with them and calling them various things in front of the lot of us was a bad idea did it calm down a little.
It was strange, it was almost like we were waiting for them to say something or try something, there was just an air of anticipation. Anyway they eventually copped on and played some doubles which I am glad to say they were thrashed in.

Then after a while we moved around to be social and that’s when the real fun began. Had a good chat with some people I don’t normally chat that much to and that was about that.

I came home to find a cheque for just under £100 waiting for me. It’s a refund for extra I paid back on a loan amount which finished paying last month. This is a good thing, an extra £100 is always good. And taking the fact that I have one less payment going out a month makes it a very good thing.

Not sure on holidays for the rest of the year. I’ve a lot of time to take off and I don’t know what to do with it. I haven’t got the money to spare to do anything major. I have 5 days in Dublin at the end of September and if I even take another week there by the end of the year I have another week I have to take before January 1st and another week I can take or carry over and take before the end of March. I don’t know. Some of it will depend on work commitments, the next few months are going to be tight on a lot of things, although there might be a little travel which I can tack some time onto.

I’m meeting Pat and Rich and maybe Trev and John later this afternoon. There isn’t really anything on in the cinema that we all want to see so Pat suggested we just meet up and girl watch. I fully support this plan so we’ll have a few beers and hang out I guess. Another nice dinner would be good but perhaps a bit of a luxury again.

I’ll of course swing by the comic book shop on my way and I really do want to go and buy a die. It’s silly I know but I want to do it, so I will.

Our new boss starts on Monday morning, it should be interesting. We have of course been speculating like mad and now we get to meet him and find out what he’s like. I think it is a good thing, I think it is a very good thing but there is a massive learning curve and we are starting to hit the hurdles in the project so it could be a testing time for all of us. Not that it isn’t already of course.

Iain and I went for pizza for lunch yesterday. It was the first time in a couple of weeks we went out for lunch and it was good. Enjoyed it a lot and the pizza was good too.

I sometimes write in here maybe a sentence, maybe a lot more and realised that I don’t actually want to say that. It’s normally when I decided to talk about things I usually don’t talk about. I’ll write something thinking; yes I’ll go ahead and talk about it, I don’t care what people think, that’s just the way it is. Then I realise that in fact I don’t care what they think, I care what I think and I don’t want to talk about it. It’s a little strange, those of you who are late night people or very early morning people will have gotten a whole entry along those lines last night. One thing I noted in it was that the chances were I’d delete it in the morning and the chances were right. *shrug* Welcome to my world.

I was taking the piss out of someone the other night who was working late because a certain person asked him to do some work for them. It didn’t have to be done that night but it would help if it did. A few of us were off to the pub and trying to get him to come along and leave the work till the morning. He pointed out there were a few people in the company who I would do the same for. I said no, there wasn’t. I lied. There are a few only a couple for the same reasons but a few for other reasons too. This I think is a good thing in particular in the latter cases. To be able to inspire people to go and do some work for you and drop everything else just because they think you are a good person? Man that’s cool.

Oh one of the topics covered last night was something I’ve mentioned here recently autonomy and confidence. The general consensus was give us the first and the second will come naturally. Sometimes it’s being thrown in the deep end and having to swim, other times it’s just pointing out subtly or not that you can do it, now go and do it. Every now and again I come off a conference call thinking that was damn good and I sat (or paced) there talking, knowing what I’m talking about and making decisions and making good decisions. These days it’s about 10 conference calls a week, last week was closer to 20 with most of them being well over an hour and it was a couple of them that I came off thinking that. This is a good thing I think, and you know what really helps sometimes, being the only person there representing London. Kinda means you have to do the job and know what you are talking about.

It’s still cold and it’s a nice cold. It’s not quite wrap up warm yet and no need for a coat but cold enough to appreciate a warm bed and a nice walk.

So all in all not shaping up to be a hugely quiet weekend as I thought I wanted last night. Tomorrow shall be lie around and do nothing all day I think, today I will be in town doing some shopping and spending time with friends. That was a very strange thing to type, I don’t know why.

For now a shower and a quick bite to eat sound like a plan and then off onto a bus. And on that note, off I go.

Fine, you know what, I do care

The way to find a mislaid Sony mobile phone is quiet easy.
Turn off the lights. Around 5:30am when for some reason I could not sleep I saw the light.

Simple when you think about it.

Typing time.

Lots of randomish thoughts going on so as usual it’s going to turn into a list.

– It rained today and it was nice. It’s the first time in a while it has really rained and walking in it was nice. It’s also cold. It’s been a while since it was cold and it’s nice. I shall regret both of these statements soon, no doubt.

– The great London blackout did not affect me at all and indeed I didn’t know about it until it was over. Ah well it seems to have just crippled the tube and that’s about it.

– Speaking of the tube, my Oystercard arrived yesterday. It’s only now that paper tickets are being replace with electronic cards. It’s about damn time.

– I’ve mislaid my mobile, I have no idea where I put it down. This is not a good thing and it’s on silent so ringing it to find out where it is would not be ideal.

– Autonomy is a good thing and should be actively encouraged. There are times, not often enough for my liking where it’s really good. Being able to make a decision about something is a damn good thing and it helps a lot.

– Music is all over the place this week, I can’t seem to get right into the mood to listen to something. Came close with some Aerosmith earlier today but didn’t quite make it.

– 100 Bullets is on the comic rereading list right now. It’s better the second time around, that’s for sure.

– I got some new West Wing yesterday so I’ve watched three new episodes and they have been great. The debate finally happened in the last one and it was excellent. Made me laugh a lot in places, such a wonderful cast.

– Something feels like it has changed. It’s very small and minor but it feels different. I can’t put my finger on why, I’m not exactly sure I know the what either. It feels a little like I’ve just started paying attention again which actually just as I type those words I’ve not been doing for a little while. Just before anyone runs anywhere with that one, I’m talking about a specific subject which you’ll note I’ve not mentioned. I prefer it this way, 100%, I’m wondering why it wasn’t this way for the past few weeks?

– I want a quiet weekend, I really want a quiet weekend. But I don’t want everything that comes with that, the boredom around the flat, the feeling like I have nothing to do, the sitting around in my room or in the lounge in front of a screen. I want to do some reading and I want to do some walking but the latter isn’t really going to happen unless the music clicks again. Once it does I can put the headphones on and go for it.

– There is more but it’s going to have to be for another time. I need to shut down and sleep. I’ll get better at blogging again soon I hope.

I had the most vivid dream I can remember this morning. My alarm went off at 7.10 and I of course whacked it and went back to sleep. Fast forward to 8.30 where I wake up from my dream thinking to myself: ‘that was fucked up I must remember it…shit I can’t remember it’. So that was that. Into work at 9.30, missed my first meeting which was ok as I didn’t even have to be at it, I had just wanted to be. A little unsure on the outcome of the 10.00 team meeting, will be a few days before anything develops.

Finally got around to get my voicemail password reset, I’m really shit at that. That and one other thing I use insist I change my password every few weeks and don’t let me cycle through my usual lot and this means I keep forgetting what I pick. It’s not good but I guess it’s there for security reasons. Doesn’t match up with much, but what do I know?

Very tired, I didn’t sleep very well last night. There was a police helicopter buzzing around for a good while fairly late and it was damn loud. I felt pretty shit this morning so now I’m going to go and sleep.

I bought The Dice Man because I had heard of it and it was touted as a classic. The quote on the back was from Loaded, not the most respectable of publications but it is a bold quote nevertheless. It says ‘novelist of the century’. So I started it a few days ago and I had pretty low expectations to be honest. I don’t know why, but I just did. I still do, which makes no sense at all as I’m in awe of the book. It’s so much more than I could ever have hoped for, nevermind expected.

I’m really shit at explaining myself about many things, this is just going to be one of them. A couple of lines hit me a moment ago, very simple but oh so major, the first line (my bold) hit hard.

“I saw then clearly for the first time that the fear keeps us huddled in the cave of self – a group of behaviour patters we have mastered and have no intention of risking failure by abandoning”

***

Way back in the mists of time, when I was in serious relationship something we used to semi joke about was how we would divide up the rooms when we moved in together, we never quite made it that far but it looked close for a while. The line was that I would get a computer room and she would get a library. Looking around my room today, I need a room just for books. I’ve got no space at all for what I have, my three big bookshelves are overflowing and I have boxes of books on the floor. I don’t like it. I hate not having my books on shelves in order. No real order, but my order and I don’t see this changing anytime soon. I want to have a house where I have a room full of book shelves and display cases that I can fill up with books and models and where I can browse for something to catch my attention or go in and get the book I want from where it belongs. Someday…maybe.

***

Some interesting stuff going on in work. There is a chance and unfortunately not as small a chance as I’d like that I’m going to end up taking ownership of a new version of a project which was the bane of my life for about 8 months. I’m not sure I’m the right person to do the job but I just don’t know. Travel is a perk yes, but I really really don’t think I’m the right person for it. I have a 10:00 meeting about it in the morning. This week has just become fuck busy. I went from having the usual few calls to having about 6 hours of conference calls tomorrow starting at 08:15. Some of it is good I guess but it’s a lot of time to spend pacing at my desk.

***

In other news there isn’t really any other news, things are ticking along. I really should be asleep, I have to be in early in the morning. I want to get home tomorrow night aswell and spend some quality time with my tv. I’ve not been doing all that much of that.

So in brief.
– Touchpads are evil.
– 2 – 1 in chess to me at lunch today. I was lucky.
– Irish crisps are the best there is.
– there is something extra nice about toasted cheese sandwiches.
– Internet access rocks and also means less sleep. Fair trade I think.
– May have some new West Wing tomorrow 🙂 🙂
– My new boss starts on Monday, could be good, should be interesting.
– Family are in France, joining them looks to be falling through…shock.
– Longboxes are required.
– Not once today did I listen to music in work. I never had the chance.
– What was wrong with Windows 98 that needed upgrading? It’s easily my favourite version (I know I’m a geek).
– What’s the difference between ‘ ‘ and ” ” ?
– September 25th is a date I have set for myself, I wonder if I’ll have any joy.

Right, time to go and get some sleep.

This morning was quiet and by morning I mean till around 1.30. I was watching Adaptation which I rented yesterday when the phone rang. ‘Twas Patrick who said: “I have two words Angelina Jolie”. Having not much else to do and vaguely wanting to go and see it, I agreed to meet him and Nick at 3 to go and see Tomb Raider. So we did and it was ok, miles better than the first but that’s not saying much. It was entertaining.

Afterwards we wanted some food and drink so made our way down to the Porterhouse and had a couple of pints. We then moved onto TGI Fridays where we had some really wonderful food and drink. Starting off with a place of chicken skewers and fingers and then moving onto a rib eye steak with Jack Daniel’s sauce. Suffice it to say this was absolutely beautiful. Ending with a warm apple waffle tart, an Irish coffee and a shot of Irish whiskey made the evening. It was all in all lovely and a good evening with some good company.

Got home and watched the end of Adaptation, the first half of the movie was excellent, the latter half less so. I think this was by design and that there is a bigger picture to it. Didn’t finish it in time to get it back to Blockbuster so I’ve got a fine to pay on it unfortunately.