I’m not a stupid person, I am in fact fairly smart. I’m usually pretty self-critical and sometimes perhaps too much. I’m pretty sure that I could do anything if I put my mind to it. However there in lies the problem. There are three as I see them, and they are all things I feel I am missing: Motivation. Will Power. Self Discipline.<\/p>\n
Motivation I use to have, about 2 years ago I had it in spades and man did it work out for me. I learnt so much and I built on that knowledge even more so. It lasted about a year. It was slowly but surely shown to me that it didn’t actually mean anything and I was wasting my time. That sounds pretty bad I know, but that’s how it was. I’ve never managed to get that motivation back. I’m in a position now where I’m at the holy grail of knowledge which I had been searching for back then and these days it is just a case of oh great, yeah we could do something with that<\/i>. It is kinda depressing when I think of it like that. Eighteen months ago I use to just sit down and build something because I wanted to see if I could. These days its just blah blah blah. I hate that.<\/p>\n
I’ve only ever really been under serious pressure working for this company, for a project about eighteen months ago again. It was tough and it took a lot of effort but in the end I delivered on it. I wish I felt like that again. That if I had to do something I could just go and do it. Now to contradict myself, if I was asked or told to go and do something, I know I could go and do it, but I don’t necessarily believe<\/b> I could go and do it. Does that make sense? Because there is a line there, they are different things.<\/p>\n
Still at least I am aware of them and that is half the battle.<\/p>\n
***<\/p>\n
Work is stressful at the moment. There is a hell of a lot going on. I’m getting fed up of arguing about things, no scrap that. I am fed up of arguing. It’s all so pointless and it annoys and depresses me. I keep thinking its not worth it, don’t bother mentioning it, no-one is going to fix it. But then I see the problem and its worse than before or it just looks really bad and I go back to thinking fuck it, someone has to say something. There was a pretty bad error today, and something that could have offended people and you know what, they did actually fix it. So it is a little proof that I’m not banging my head against a wall 100% of the time, just 99%.<\/p>\n
Today was my first link to Metafilter, check it out here<\/a>. I’m sure you could have guessed the subject.<\/p>\n In other notes, my google-fu is failing me, anyone know the origin of the phrase “poised on the brink of greatness”?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" I’m not a stupid person, I am in fact fairly smart. I’m usually pretty self-critical and sometimes perhaps too much. I’m pretty sure that I could do anything if I put my mind to it. However there in lies the problem. There are three as I see them, and they are all things I feel … Continue reading “Poised on the brink of greatness”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-4176","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-blog"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/davebushe.net\/words\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4176"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/davebushe.net\/words\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/davebushe.net\/words\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/davebushe.net\/words\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/davebushe.net\/words\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4176"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/davebushe.net\/words\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4176\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/davebushe.net\/words\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4176"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/davebushe.net\/words\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4176"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/davebushe.net\/words\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4176"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}